Leaving San Francisco

Early in our relationship, we traveled a lot. It was even used as a litmus for whether we saw the relationship working. We both knew we loved to travel, and if we didn’t travel well together, that would have been a big hurdle to leap. Thankfully, from our first trip ever (Washington D. C. for the wedding of Lianna and Morgan, who are now two of our best friends are are even meeting us in Europe), then to our next trip, 10 days in Thailand, we quickly discovered that traveling together was one of the ways we deepened our bond.

We decided to visit Italy, one of Marcus’s favorites but a new destination for me. We wanted to save up as much as we could so that we could truly splurge and enjoy the trip, so in the summer of 2019 we made plans for May of 2020. That meant no new travel for a while but we’d have about a year to save up. Well… it took until April of 2020 for both of us to accept that COVID-19 was going to be significant enough to cancel our trip. We cancelled the beautiful bed and breakfast in Tuscany, and were thankful that our flight was cancelled by the airline so we could get a refund from the notoriously stingy third-party site we had booked it through.

Marcus always had an idea of taking a long trip after finishing grad school. He started in the fall of 2019 and was slated to graduate in the spring of 2021. As the pandemic wore on, we decided that we would postpone the Italy trip into this bigger trip post-graduation. More time passed, and 10 days in Italy started to look like a month or more in Europe. We would leave after graduation in May 2021. But, always looking 6-9 months ahead, we started to gauge the possibility of our plans against the unpredictability and longevity of COVID. The more we postponed, the longer we said we’d be gone. Eventually we figured we would be gone so long that our jobs wouldn’t have us back. (Also, we knew we wouldn’t be as free to enjoy the trip if we knew we had obligations when we got home). First delayed to the fall of 2021, then to the spring of 2022, we finally decided “now or never”.

From that point on, I was in planning mode. Granted, there wasn’t much I could plan; first, because of COVID and the ever-changing restrictions, second, because it would be counter to the intention of the trip to schedule out four months worth of time. That said, I did NEED to budget for the trip and so some assumptions had to be made.

I was probably scaring the sh*t out of Marcus with the level of detail I was taking the planning to, knowing that very little of the trip would actually be “planned”. We did start by making a “wish list” of places we wanted to go. From there, I looked at AirBnBs, hotels, and hostels (private rooms) in nearly every city we were interested in visiting. I tried to find a few different options (about 6 per city) that were within our means, met our needs and were well located, then took an average of the nightly price. I then netted out that, between more expensive destinations like Paris, Amsterdam and Switzerland, and lower-priced destinations like Croatia, Turkey, and Morocco, we would net out at an average of $100 per night.

I tried to estimate an average daily cost for food and drinks based on what we spend in SF, and a weekly average transit cost for moving from place to place. From there, I started figuring out how much money we might have for extras by taking our total savings, minus the money we set aside for our upcoming wedding, and a safety fund for us to live on when we get back assuming we can’t get jobs right away. All said and done, we figured out some constraints for the trip that are ultimately more of a suggestion than a rule, but gave me some sense of guidelines for the trip. For me, it’s helpful to have some guidelines or constraints; I love the spontaneity and possibility of “anything could happen” but also get overwhelmed by the possibility of “anything” and making a decision from such a vast array of options.

With the budgeting behind us, we had two large hurdles to cross. First, figuring out what our dog would do while we’re away. We have a quirky six year old Australian Shepherd, Luna, who doesn’t love everyone but adores us. Finding someone to watch her isn’t always easy. They have to be willing to be patient with her selective nature and her dedication to protecting her chosen few from anyone else. We explored many options, but were lucky to be connected with Next Gen ACS, a woman-owned dog training company specializing in Australian Shepherds. We did a trial run in December when we went to NYC, and they loved her as much as we do. What more could we ask for? This was a big part of our budget for the trip, but knowing that she was in good hands was a determining factor to whether we could do this or not, so I’d say it was worth it.

Next was our apartment. We adore our apartment and giving it up was not an option. However, letting it sit empty for months didn’t seem right either. With the housing situation in SF today, letting our place sit empty felt like being part of the problem. We love our place and know someone else would, too. We found someone who we think will enjoy it as much as we do, and that was the greatest relief.

All these planning hurdles were huge, and every time we crossed one, we felt a huge sense of relief. Quitting our jobs was somewhere in there too, but honestly that was the least of our concerns. Once we knew we had the plan to budget for the trip, having a job became more of a means to an end. We left our jobs about a week before departure, and that week was a weird and restless time.

I was especially emotional about leaving our dog, Luna. Getting the apartment ready for a guest was also a big (but rewarding) chore. Our place has never been tidier, lol. We meticulously planned our packing lists (er, I did and then had Marcus replicate). And finally, after a few days of physical and emotional restlessness, we got in an Uber to the airport. Finally, over three years since our last international trip together, we boarded the plane and I began to feel all the feelings; excitement for whats to come, relief to have gotten as much sorted out as possible, curiosity for how this experience will change me, and probably every other emotion, too.

The whole time we were planning the trip, I knew this point would come, but to have it finally arrive when the stress of the preparation was still fresh in my mind, was such a dichotomy. Was every other trip I had been on like this and I just blacked out the scary parts? Or has two years of COVID made me especially sensitive to these crazy changes? Either way, the feelings I’m experiencing in my first few days in Paris are reminding me of the Me that existed before COVID. And that alone is worth it.